He uses pillows to masturbate.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
