"it" just moved
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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