You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
