Quick, to the slutcave!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
