How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
