WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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