He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
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I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
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I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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