I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
