Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
