just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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