as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
