from now on my penis is your penis
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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