Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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