How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
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Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
What's dad's email?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.