I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?