Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(209): View more from California

I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.

(859): View more from Kentucky

Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.

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(209): I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store. (859): Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks. http://tfl.nu/01yd

Replies (24) Good night (968) Bad night (3297)
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(205): View more from Alabama

Why does Corona taste like a burp?

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(205): Why does Corona taste like a burp? http://tfl.nu/2bn9

Replies (39) Good night (647) Bad night (3652)
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(712): View more from Iowa

I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.

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(712): I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled. http://tfl.nu/klod

Replies (37) Good night (5282) Bad night (692)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.

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(814): We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation. http://tfl.nu/gj2w

Replies (17) Good night (4184) Bad night (1160)
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(407): View more from Florida

At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER

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(407): At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER http://tfl.nu/tf88

Replies (4) Good night (2591) Bad night (881)
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(757): View more from Virginia

Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.

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(757): Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this. http://tfl.nu/ylyg

Replies (20) Good night (4216) Bad night (1332)
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(630): View more from Illinois

We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.

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(630): We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas. http://tfl.nu/1h9b

Replies (14) Good night (5973) Bad night (1114)
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(804): View more from Virginia

Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting

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(804): Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting http://tfl.nu/9m8j

Replies (5) Good night (3961) Bad night (1056)
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(720): View more from Colorado

I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.

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(720): I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else. http://tfl.nu/ss1v

Replies (4) Good night (1161) Bad night (665)
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(217): View more from Illinois

I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?

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(217): I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high? http://tfl.nu/4i2m

Replies (23) Good night (2780) Bad night (653)
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(253): View more from Washington

I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks

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(253): I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks http://tfl.nu/tvej

Replies (11) Good night (1100) Bad night (589)
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(339): View more from Massachusetts

Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing

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(339): Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing http://tfl.nu/jt81

Replies (3) Good night (852) Bad night (505)
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(419): View more from Ohio

You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.

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(419): You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell. http://tfl.nu/iyko

Replies (5) Good night (1193) Bad night (390)
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(703): View more from Virginia

Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"

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(703): Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up" http://tfl.nu/thd5

Replies (3) Good night (975) Bad night (481)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.

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(919): Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him. http://tfl.nu/jn2a

Replies (2) Good night (880) Bad night (225)

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