He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?