if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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