I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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