I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
