I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
