Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.

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  (212): They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning. http://tfl.nu/4eyl
  Replies (3) Good night (1385) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  My entire life is one complicated drinking game

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  (310): My entire life is one complicated drinking game http://tfl.nu/hoza
  Replies (19) Good night (4095) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.

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  (206): Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week. http://tfl.nu/twaw
  Replies (44) Good night (5171) Bad night (1336) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.

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  (781): I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots. http://tfl.nu/2a1b
  Replies (23) Good night (872) Bad night (3979)
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  (516): View more from New York

  My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say

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  (516): My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say http://tfl.nu/znzu
  Replies (32) Good night (1779) Bad night (5064) Order T-Shirt
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  (949): View more from California

  I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.

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  (949): I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation. http://tfl.nu/uflu
  Replies (4) Good night (3056) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.

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  (267): I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe. http://tfl.nu/k42a
  Replies (5) Good night (2519) Bad night (1230) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.

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  (715): I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk. http://tfl.nu/tfhs
  Replies (5) Good night (4532) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  Drunk. I slept-stripped.

  (914): View more from New York

  By myself.

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  (914): Drunk. I slept-stripped. (914): By myself. http://tfl.nu/r1zm
  Replies (4) Good night (2231) Bad night (799)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp

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  (214): You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp http://tfl.nu/t0a5
  Replies (9) Good night (1185) Bad night (2502) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs

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  (678): Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs http://tfl.nu/z2xs
  Replies (2) Good night (1090) Bad night (1858) Order T-Shirt
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

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  (647): I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. http://tfl.nu/kla9
  Replies (3) Good night (1605) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I wish there were birth control emojis

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  (918): I wish there were birth control emojis http://tfl.nu/p00p
  Replies (16) Good night (427) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN

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  (360): WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN http://tfl.nu/hvye
  Replies (12) Good night (1292) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.

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  (250): By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so. http://tfl.nu/m028
  Replies (0) Good night (589) Bad night (146)

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