I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
