I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
