Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
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Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.