i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
