umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
