He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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