then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
