I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
