i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
