I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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