I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in your delicious
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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