that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
