a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
