i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
