but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Randomize
