Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
