How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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