I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
