Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
