your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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