My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize