There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
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we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
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I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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