Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
