Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
