you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
