I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
