I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
