wrigley field is MILF paradise
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
