I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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