i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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