We named our party play list daddy issues
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
