that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
