Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Dick very happy bro
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
