I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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