Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
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I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
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I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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