A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
