He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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