i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
