I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
