If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
