Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
