people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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