just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
