ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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