If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
This house was built for laser tag.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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