I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
