cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
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