the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
