The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
