The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
