I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
