it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
