I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
