When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
