I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
