Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
