he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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