please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
