It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
