There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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