We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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